Wes was in trouble at school today, for the fourth consecutive school day (in order: hitting, poking, kicking and teasing little kids after being asked to stop. Hey, no violence today – that’s something!).

We were talking about this, and the fact that the little kid in question (Justin) had teased him back. I was trying to make what I thought was a fairly subtle point regarding why he might get in trouble and J. might not, necessarily (hint: giant instigator). Not subtle enough, apparently; he saw it coming at every turn and blocked it relentlessly. Finally, to my “Did Justin get in trouble?” he unleashed this awe-inspiring response.

“YES. He DID get in trouble. And he lost his snack and his dinner and his dessert and all his rewards. And his bedtime stories and no bubble bath and no bath toys and no drying off, just straight into his pajamas and to bed. Wait, NO pajamas. He had to go to bed NAKED.”

Wes has been big on playing around with people’s names lately (we won’t talk about the unfortunate effects that has at school just now). This morning, as I was washing my hair, he came in and announced, “Mom-hair!”

So I said hello with my hair, as you do.

“No, Mom-hair is not just hair, it is a person with a smiley face. And it is a vegetarian.”

“Really? What’s Wes-hair?”

“Wes-hair is a meat-eater!” Pause. “And also there is a dinosaur standing on the lawn of the castle and he just loves the taste of princesses. So he ate them all up.”

“That’s a really sad story”

“Not for the dinosaur.”

Clearly, Mom-hair does not have the proper perspective on these things.